a retarded cosmic phenomenon

The overall state of affairs of my love life is pretty sucky as of late. For a while now, I’ve been ‘searching’ for someone to love. I’ve been out on numerous dates, but nothing has come to fruition. Usually the other person doesn’t return calls or IMs if they’re not interested instead of being upfront. Some are more direct about how they feel, but very rarely. Eventually things just fall off. One sometimes can’t help get the feeling he were being led on (one particular case lasted about a month or so).

I realized that I’m tired of this crap if this is all I’m gonna get in the end.

The votes are in though, and it seems just as this realization comes to me, some close friends are telling me the same. More specifically that maybe I shouldn’t ‘search’ for someone.

I’ve been on lots of  dates but nothing has ever come to fruition. I really feel the way I do because I long to be with someone. I’ve never been in a relationship. But sometimes I wonder if it healthy for me to want this. Do not humans long to be with someone to express their love and be intimate with? I guess it’s to what extent one will go to achieve that goal. I just feel like for the moment that I want to throw in the towel and focus on me.

I guess the one thing I overlooked about Chakotay and Kellin is that they met by chance. Chakotay could have been trying to date everyone—searching for love on-board Voyager—but he didn’t. By chance he met that Ramuran woman and they fell in love.

Shout out to Max for his advice in the comments of my last post:

I beleive Love is the one thing you can’t search for, it’s almost better when it stumbles upon you.

Talking with another one of my friends he said something similar:

…Often times love comes when you least expect it. Once you stop looking, it may find you. That is a retarded cosmic phenomenon, but it seems to be true.

Now time to focus on me.


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