Archive for May, 2011

Gone…

Posted in TBC on May 9, 2011 by drevolutionary1

Why is it so hard to say “I love you?”
The words, even when you were alive, roll off the tongue
but feel trite, empty, and fake

You’re dead
No longer here with us
and my tears are not nearly as much as they should be

But you inflicted wounds on my soul
that are still open and I can’t seem to close
no amount of salve can heal

why you carried around such hate and venom I’ll never know
why you couldn’t lay bare all your hopes and fears
why we couldn’t be closer…

Of course, I have no grudge with the deceased
I’m just left angry sometimes
pondering why certain situations are the way they are

For the longest I’ve had writers block
because I was thinking of the nice thing to say
the appropriate thing to say

but I am not holding back
I have to get it off my chest
else these feeling will stir inside and eat away at my soul

I suppose the time spent away during those formative years
is one of the reasons for how I feel
you never got the help you needed so I never got you

I did have 3 other mothers to cover you
I think they have their issues, but they did a good job
but…

I know your life was hard
maybe harder than I’ll ever imagine
but you made so much progress and positive strides

I admire your strength I will say
I hope to match it some day
your strongest quality, yet a double-edged sword

For now I’ll just continue thinking of you everyday
trying to eliminate the images of you on your deathbed
Gasping for air, trying to stay alive while we were there

How did you do it? How did you hold on so long?
I’m fighting back my tears seeing you suffer
I hope I can this dam and let them flow and wash away the pain

there are so many things left unsaid
so many questions unasked
so many opportunities missed

I want to say “I love you” and mean it
but you left this emotional wall that I can’t break down
For only you have the tools for that, and you’re…

gone…