“No, I’m not OK”

Vodka to wash away the sorrows
Good dick to cure the loneliness
Greasy vittles provide a high
Eyes bloodshot and full of pain

48 waking hours with no rest
The vices are strong
And sooth the wretch
But only for a moment

Thought about writing that note
But not tonight, naw not tonight
Hopefully not ever
Please slap me if I do…

But I can’t look in the mirror
I’m afraid of what I’ll see
That denial feeds my addictions
And prevents alacrity

Trapped I am
And trapped I will be
Like the mouse in the maze
Am I smart enough to break free?

Shit… Shit!
My life’s always been so…
Contained
And decent… planned…

It’s tempting to fuck it up
To sabotage a good thing
Watch the wreckage
Like something you saw on I-95

I want to submit to the darkness
For a change…
No rage against the dying of the light
On the contrary

A sense of decency reels me in
Now and again
But somehow I always wind up
Back here in this place

This place I don’t want to be
But am
And I try to deal
And smile and say, “I’m OK”

But inside
I’m really NOT fucking OK
I’ve swallowed gasoline
And someone’s threw a match my way

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6 Responses to ““No, I’m not OK””

  1. *sigh* Exactly how I’m feeling of late. Love it though.

  2. Amazing stuff… I hope things get better for you.

  3. Wow, man. This truly captures how I feel right now.

  4. Anton Maurice Says:

    Love it man

  5. drevolutionary1 Says:

    I didn’t think people would identify with this so much! But I’m glad you all could find something in this! Sometimes we all just need to get our frustrations out. I found it particularly easy for this one… esp. after a little bit of libations. LOL

  6. Truly enjoyed this. Very introspective. Exemplary of when we have to get real about where we are and how we truly feel (especially after acting like we’re okay when we know we aren’t). Love the imagery – especially in the last stanza.

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