Archive for the despair Category

Disassociation

Posted in Dark, despair, Poetry, Sex, vice on January 7, 2012 by drevolutionary1

Disassociation
from what I am
and my life
for just a moment

Sweet forgetting
experiencing the now
screw consequences
to the sticking place
and suck my dick

Strip me of constraint
and my attire
Strip me of restraint
till naked in desire

Strut in lust
sultry and robust
unleash your fury
upon my body

ride my ass
till I can’t remember
those vows I made
those things I promised

lay down my arms
penetrate my defenses
and give me the bliss
your manhood dispenses

violate my body
validate my avarice for abuse
as I disconnect
as I endure the misuse

I mean something
but I don’t seem to care
it’s what’s convenient
and it’s what’s here

I become your cumrag
that you throw to the side
and then you are gone
and I’m empty inside

When I’m done being used
when my rocks go off
my high turns to low
and I question myself

Reassociation
with who I am
and my life
for just an eternity

until…

“No, I’m not OK”

Posted in darkness, despair, Poetry, vice with tags , , , , , on June 11, 2011 by drevolutionary1

Vodka to wash away the sorrows
Good dick to cure the loneliness
Greasy vittles provide a high
Eyes bloodshot and full of pain

48 waking hours with no rest
The vices are strong
And sooth the wretch
But only for a moment

Thought about writing that note
But not tonight, naw not tonight
Hopefully not ever
Please slap me if I do…

But I can’t look in the mirror
I’m afraid of what I’ll see
That denial feeds my addictions
And prevents alacrity

Trapped I am
And trapped I will be
Like the mouse in the maze
Am I smart enough to break free?

Shit… Shit!
My life’s always been so…
Contained
And decent… planned…

It’s tempting to fuck it up
To sabotage a good thing
Watch the wreckage
Like something you saw on I-95

I want to submit to the darkness
For a change…
No rage against the dying of the light
On the contrary

A sense of decency reels me in
Now and again
But somehow I always wind up
Back here in this place

This place I don’t want to be
But am
And I try to deal
And smile and say, “I’m OK”

But inside
I’m really NOT fucking OK
I’ve swallowed gasoline
And someone’s threw a match my way