Archive for the Personal Life Category

When I Was Carefree and Gay…

Posted in Love, Musings, Personal Life, Poetry, Retrospection on February 7, 2012 by drevolutionary1

What happened to my innocence?

I used to be resolved to find true love
and reject any of those other scenarios
any of those other meaningless things

Instead I became jaded
and now looking back I wonder
was what I thought an illusion
really my destiny?

Deep down I long for companionship
Someone to laugh and cry with
to ask me about my day
and steal my covers at night

Right now I want those things
But I’m not allowing myself to have them
I don’t want to get distracted from life
and my goals for personal achievement

I bask in the glow of temporary flame
while the oil of my lantern is depleted
I’m waiting for the lightbulb to be invented
before darkness takes over

And now I think about those two roads
that Frost said diverged in a yellow wood
and wish I could travel both
moving with ease as one traveller

But at one score and 4 years
I believe my story is not yet done
the road will diverge again and again
the question remains, should I wait?

my fear
that I will travel one beyond reach of the other
that I will travel too long and forget
with no breadcrums to retrace the steps

Protected: Chronic

Posted in Love, Personal Life, Poetry on September 8, 2011 by drevolutionary1

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Solace (let the sunshine in)

Posted in Existentialism, God, Musings, Personal Life, Poetry, Religion on February 23, 2011 by drevolutionary1

oh bastion of salvation
i entreat thee
come
embrace me

carry my woes to the ends of the earth
give me solace in time of grief
cast out the darkness that consumes
and the venom that burns

Roll like the gentle stream
And the nimbus on a calm sunny day
Take my fears away
I’ll try not to stray

When I look upon the horizon
Your light ushers in a new dawn
In that moment
I am a believer

Stealing away into my thoughts
safe from menacing eschew
There’s a nagging feeling
“Can this be true?”

Goodbye Is A Seven-letter Word

Posted in Love, Personal Life, Poetry on January 25, 2010 by drevolutionary1

Goodbye is a seven-letter word
But what does it really mean?
It’s a word spoken, but often unheard
To some it may seem life is a movie scene

But don’t take for granted those you care for
Let go of the anger, hate, jealously, and greed
Embrace their love and strength to endure
before they are taken in swift speed

I didn’t get my chance to say goodbye
to my grandfather—an honorable and loved man
It’s not a stretch to know where my loyalties lie,
nor is it a stretch for others of our clan

At times he was like a father to me,
because I never knew mine
Now I appreciate truly
how he made my spirit shine

We didn’t always see eye-to-eye,
but as a Christian he knew unconditional love
This allowed him to be a great ally
An ally to friend and family—a man to be proud of

So you see, I can’t truly be sad
I still feel his presence and his being
And for all the ones that called him ‘Dad,’
Feeling his presence is freeing

Father of my mother
Son of my great grandfather
Know there will be no other
Rest in peace–same from worry safe from bothe

Memories of the U

Posted in Musings, Personal Life on January 8, 2010 by drevolutionary1

Uni-vers-ity
How weird…
Unity is what we seek
Verses experientially inspired
City highs—an urban domain
A chain of devotions to knowledge and truth

Veritas/Utilitas

The frats stompING and showING
A sweet melody plays serving
as an undertone to a
Sea of accents, ebbing and flowing
And the clock tower chimes…

It can be heard in the valley
Or at the hotdog stands
Suits and fitteds juxtaposed
alongside miniskirts and pantsuits
The leaders of tomorrow, today

Frenemies abound—beware!
You know them from these 4 years
This is when you are so keenly aware
That thoughts become… THINGS

Soaring on a birds wings you may
never notice these obvious things
hidden plainly in sight
So obviously cryptic

INTP Ponderings

Posted in Existentialism, God, Ontology, Personal Life, Poetry on January 7, 2010 by drevolutionary1

Defining one’s self
Self-definition
Traversing the terrain, life’s expedition
This is the stuff of the human condition

Trying to give some meaning to this existence
Confined by the freedom of open spaces
Deceived by a sea of smilingfaces
Doubletalk and shades of speculation

theTruth seems to have no definitive location
And neither sage nor prophet are my vocation
Certainty is not my creation, for I am not sanctioned
This all probably sounds like a nihilist declaration

How do I determine my purpose for existence?
I fret the answer remains hidden despite arduous persistence
Resistance to a belief in a higher being’s will I will admit
But evidence in support reveals itself err’day

What is my function?
I suspect it’s not as simplistic as conjunction-junction
I’ve been reaching for one thing for years
A road tempered with blood, sweat, and tears

And Who Am I? Really, Who Am I?
Is “I” the composite of he, she, and them?
Is there something truly that comes from within?
Are we doomed to depend on others to define ourselves?

I feel like that last piece of the puzzle that fails to fit
Like a body in free fall over a bottomless pit
Every which way I turn I get motion sick
I’m sick and tired of this shit

Sometimes I spend too much time in my mind
It gets quiet, but I hate the silence
Because I have to deal with the verbal violence
I guess that’s why they say no man’s an island.

a tortured christian past – unfiltered

Posted in Love, Personal Life, Poetry, Religion, Sexuality on December 16, 2009 by drevolutionary1

I admire you from afar
In my thoughts you’ll never hear
I wish I could tell you
but what I’m holding back could hurt you

My curse, this wretched curse
My life a shamble should we entangle
Within resides deep pain
Like dark days filled with rain

I look at you and I see
that our love could never be
This wave of emotion
flows over my head

A wave of sorrow
a thousand black nights
I cannot dwell on it
Or else I’ll go insane

help me oh holy one
let goodness prevail
give me strength
in darkness I assail

show me my true love
one natural and refined
empower my mind
to leave this ugly past