Archive for vice

“No, I’m not OK”

Posted in darkness, despair, Poetry, vice with tags , , , , , on June 11, 2011 by drevolutionary1

Vodka to wash away the sorrows
Good dick to cure the loneliness
Greasy vittles provide a high
Eyes bloodshot and full of pain

48 waking hours with no rest
The vices are strong
And sooth the wretch
But only for a moment

Thought about writing that note
But not tonight, naw not tonight
Hopefully not ever
Please slap me if I do…

But I can’t look in the mirror
I’m afraid of what I’ll see
That denial feeds my addictions
And prevents alacrity

Trapped I am
And trapped I will be
Like the mouse in the maze
Am I smart enough to break free?

Shit… Shit!
My life’s always been so…
Contained
And decent… planned…

It’s tempting to fuck it up
To sabotage a good thing
Watch the wreckage
Like something you saw on I-95

I want to submit to the darkness
For a change…
No rage against the dying of the light
On the contrary

A sense of decency reels me in
Now and again
But somehow I always wind up
Back here in this place

This place I don’t want to be
But am
And I try to deal
And smile and say, “I’m OK”

But inside
I’m really NOT fucking OK
I’ve swallowed gasoline
And someone’s threw a match my way

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