what do you want?

I have several ideas for where I want this blog to go. But based on what you’ve read so far (if I have any kind of following-LOL), what would you guys like to see? Leave a comment and let me know!

a latent function

sometimes i feel like i can’t take it no mo’
been searching seeking hi and lo

i’m floating in space above my thoughts
looking down at the battle hard fought

a tumultuous time I faced
always seemed straight-laced

but a cloud, a haze made haste
from order, laying waste

but time, yes time will suffice
to restore that cosmic balance
tantalizing stars entice
me to extend my valance

atoms collide, an internal reaction
chemicals combine to my satisfaction

what results is feelings and emotions
ensuring an everlasting chain of devotions

going thru the motions
an ocean

swimming high on the surf
now i retire—this my turf!

una poema para el inseguro

Yo sé que tú ya no sabes
Estás inseguro como te sientas
Inseguro que yo sea lo que quieres

Pero, debes saber

Si te amara, yo te amaría sin limite
Una fusión de alma y corazón
Me sentiría que todo tiene razon

Si me quisieras, volaríamos—¡apurate!
Ven a mis brazos, no hay dolor
Abrázame, siente mi calor

poe-tato, po-tawto

I call it opportunity
you call it calamity
am I misguided
or are you too certain?

convexity, concavity
bend to my reality
events put together
in a subjective fashion

the puzzle solved, yet unsolved
life is a perilous journey all embark
who knows what lies ahead
for we know what lies behind

what I would give

what I would give for
his warm embrace for
arms wrapped around

a smile that reaches down
in my soul and stirs
takes away my fears
and dries my tears

gentle hands of wisdom
caressing my head
helping me overcome
accepting truth instead

I know that he is mine
when I look into his eyes
I’ve no need to pine
my head is in the skies

riding this love train
with a buzz in my brain
destination: exultation

the nature of hatelove

/Dusty dry soil of oppression
abounds on this earth.
the
/rivers of justice roll
bringing up the
/silt of human decency.

Trans-Cend

The song of my soul is a true one
Melodies of pain and joy
A tune drunk with sweet rum
Symphonic is the soul of this boy

Play it like a mandolin
Notes resounding from within
Feel the vibration of my humanity
Manifest itself in reality

The frequency of the ethereal
Transcending the epithelial
Beyond action and word
Unlike that you’ve heard

Metaphysical in nature I’ll say
Miles past earth, an eon and a day
Past space and past time
Where no mortal can resign

sin(u)

from the slick of your back
to the warmth of your flesh
the sheen of your hair
piercing brown eyes stare

skin the color of my coffee
tastes as sweet as it too
is all your sugar for me?
not one lump but two

the curve of your nose
and the curl of your toes
lines of your body sinuous
flowing gently, continuous

your lips against mine
a hair raising event
chills down my spine
flow like a current

caressing a sea of brown
a sea in which we drown
from the fruits of labor
the love-wine we savor

reflections on human will and ‘The Force’

Oh George Lucas, thank you for Star Wars!

I think one of your best creations are the Jedi. I love what they represent. Jedi can access a supernatural essence called ‘The Force’ that can allow great mental and physical enhancement by using:

• patience
• calm
• equanimity
• control
• discipline

I think these are all traits for which we strive. Contrast this with the Sith, who can also access the force, but using:

• anger
• fear
• disorder
• chaos
• hatred

We all have a little Jedi and Sith inside of us.

The question is, to what extent are the two balanced? To what extent is it healthy to follow each set of values? Somehow using the dark side always ends up in someone’s hands being cut off:

"Goshdarnet Dooku, that smarts!"

But I digress. Of course Star Wars draws it’s concepts from other mythology and belief. I’m thinking Yin and Yang here (many others I’m sure).

So how do I want to harness ‘the force?’ I think the force is analogous to our spirit and willpower. I could focus my being and energies on chaos and incite mass destruction and achieve great results. On the other hand I could employ great control and discipline and channel my intelligence to creating a cure for diseases.

I want to be more Jedi-like because I sometimes have a problem with discipline and will power. There are several goals I have for 2009 for which developing Jedi-like habits will help:

1. learn to love myself more: some housekeeping is in order!
2. lose weight: I’m currently around 300 lbs. Let’s set a modest goal of 30 lbs loss before graduation (May 9, 2009)
3. develop healthy sleeping patterns: bed by 12 at latest
4. change what/when/why/how often I eat: to supplant my plans to lose weight. Modifying these factors can really have an effect on metabolism
5. finish off my last semester: so I can graduate
6. finish a short term project of my research at school
7. achieve acceptance into a post-bac program
8. get a 30 – 35 on the MCAT
9. complete MD/PhD applications

It is most important however, in any endeavor to have balance. Both the Jedi and Sith were extremes of ideals. This was never mentioned in any movies, but in the Star Wars universe, there also exists the Jensaarai. They mixed Jedi and Sith teachings. I think they are more accurate presentation of how one may control or use the force. In my goals I will keep balance in mind.

Now. Let’s get crackin’!

a retarded cosmic phenomenon

The overall state of affairs of my love life is pretty sucky as of late. For a while now, I’ve been ‘searching’ for someone to love. I’ve been out on numerous dates, but nothing has come to fruition. Usually the other person doesn’t return calls or IMs if they’re not interested instead of being upfront. Some are more direct about how they feel, but very rarely. Eventually things just fall off. One sometimes can’t help get the feeling he were being led on (one particular case lasted about a month or so).

I realized that I’m tired of this crap if this is all I’m gonna get in the end.

The votes are in though, and it seems just as this realization comes to me, some close friends are telling me the same. More specifically that maybe I shouldn’t ‘search’ for someone.

I’ve been on lots of  dates but nothing has ever come to fruition. I really feel the way I do because I long to be with someone. I’ve never been in a relationship. But sometimes I wonder if it healthy for me to want this. Do not humans long to be with someone to express their love and be intimate with? I guess it’s to what extent one will go to achieve that goal. I just feel like for the moment that I want to throw in the towel and focus on me.

I guess the one thing I overlooked about Chakotay and Kellin is that they met by chance. Chakotay could have been trying to date everyone—searching for love on-board Voyager—but he didn’t. By chance he met that Ramuran woman and they fell in love.

Shout out to Max for his advice in the comments of my last post:

I beleive Love is the one thing you can’t search for, it’s almost better when it stumbles upon you.

Talking with another one of my friends he said something similar:

…Often times love comes when you least expect it. Once you stop looking, it may find you. That is a retarded cosmic phenomenon, but it seems to be true.

Now time to focus on me.